My Chemo Secret

After knee surgery, wrist surgery, and a cancer diagnosis within 5 years, I thought my body had had enough. 
I had peaked and my best times were behind me. 

Egg retrieval 3 weeks post-mastectomy with no side effects made me realize my body might still be on my side.

Starting chemotherapy a week later, each day I wondered if I would still be able to get out of bed and what fresh hell awaited me, yet if you dug deep, you would see my secret is that chemo seemed 
too easy. 

When I told my oncologist my priority was a bachelorette in the United States after the first round of chemo, and a wedding in Canada meant she needed to push back the date of the last round, 
I was serious.

Sure there were down days, crying when I dropped a spoon on my toe, getting angry, feeling run-over, 
but it was never what I hear from others.

Chemo was easier than I expected, and I don’t know why. 
This 150-word memoir was written 1 month after finishing chemotherapy, during a Wildfire Sparks Writing Workshop. At the time, I never intended to share it beyond the workshop group, as I felt guilty that I wasn’t as broken as it seemed like I should be. I feared that voicing my experience would make fellow chemotherapy warriors feel worse, and that I would be judged by my peers.

I have since met others who had similar experiences, and now confidently attribute my “health” during this time to:
1. A determination to live life on my own terms, not simply accepting what I can and can’t do based on Google / a doctor
2. Having exciting adventures to look forward to
3. A modicum of ignorance

May 28 (Canada) vs. May 31 (Switzerland)
Physically on different continents, mentally on different planets

2 thoughts on “My Chemo Secret

  1. Mom says:
    Mom's avatar

    Shal, your inner strength to face life’s challenges and your willingness to share what you’ve been through to help others in similar situations is truly inspiring. Keep it up! Love, Mom & Dad.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kalpa says:
    Kalpa's avatar

    Dear Shalu

    You are a true example of courage and resilience. I am so inspired by your positive outlook and your determination to enjoy life despite the many challenges. And I absolutely love your disarming honesty. Stay blessed, healthy and happy always. Love, Kalpa mami.

    Like

Leave a comment